gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
