Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
