No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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