my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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