last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
