if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
