Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
