I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
