i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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