and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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