Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
