If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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