Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
