Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
