you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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