Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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