I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....