in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.