Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
