things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid