If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.