THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
