I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight