when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
