kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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