he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
