i just wanna soil my oats bro
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
