I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize