Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
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The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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