Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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