Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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