you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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