Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
