Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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