How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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