last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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