I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
