We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
