chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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