We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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