she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize