I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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