I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
