I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
