I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
