The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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