This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
