drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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