how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
