I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
