just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
