peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
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The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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