So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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