I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
there is glitter all over my balls
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