I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
