The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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