I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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