I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
