I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
