Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
