I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
