I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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