he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
