i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
