I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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