I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
