He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
this is an emotional support booty call
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
