11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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