i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
