If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
