i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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