I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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