Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
