You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
