Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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