The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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