Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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