After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
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The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
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Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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