I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
kristin has been a bad kristin
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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