The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
