It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
