so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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